206. Italy and Back Part 7: Males, Females, English/Italian Outlook
I never married. However, this was not because the mentality of the Italian male in those days would not have permitted me the freedom of thought or of being what I had enjoyed in Britain but because I had no desire to have children, form a family, share my time or thoughts with another human being and end up being bossed around or at least come to some compromise which is inevitable when there’s another human element around.
British marriages too suffer from one or the other being bossed about or feel the crunch of someone else treading on your toes or space- the only difference is, it is the other way round, more often than not it is the woman who bosses the male around and makes her presence felt, because unless some weakling is married to a bully, women in England are in charge- and no question about that.
Women of Anglo-Saxon upbringing, highly influenced by their American counterparts had by the 70s undergone the students, women, sex revolution and burnt their bras egged on by Germaine Greer at a lecture in Oxford University of all places. That’s why I can say with confidence, “An Italian woman marrying an Anglo-Saxon man- happiness is assured; whereas an Anglo-Saxon woman marrying an Italian man, tragedy is secured.”
If this is the case, if this grim and regressive picture I have painted of Italian life is so, one may well ask: why stay? Why not go to Britain, America, Canada?
You can't be a writer within and not be curious about people, now can you? This was my problem in England, I was too flamboyant, too curious, too undiplomatic, asked too many questions and said exactly what I thought- that often got me into a lot of trouble with people in England. Because you see, it's not that English people are snooty, it's not that they are intolerant, it's not that they have no sense of justice and fairness it's just that they can't cope if someone touches them to the quick- and I often touched people to the quick, so as not to say, I always put my foot in it.
Italian people are totally different. They have no sense of justice, they're all out for themselves, they have no idea what team work is, if you tread on their toes, they'll tread on yours, they are prejudiced and intolerant about anyone who doesn't do or look like them, they are highly irregular, have no respect for your time or privacy... yet here I can breathe freely because no one takes the hell bit of notice of what you ask or say to them, couldn't care less and expect you to react in the same way because after they have torn you to pieces, they'll smile and say with a huge grin... “Che bella giornata!” “What a lovely day!” And as Robert Frost would say, "That makes all the difference!"
Oddly enough, in spite of all her faults, Italy remains still one of the best places in the world to live, because at the end of the day, if you belong only to yourself, that is the ultimate freedom which no one else, spouse, family, country, political party, religion can give you; under those circumstances, and provided you don’t expect Italy to give you solidarity then, Italy is hard to beat, by far...
Beauty, art, treasures, palaces, food, wine, ceremonies, joviality, sunshine, hills, mountains, sea-side, lakes... a paradise on earth- almost.
This is the last article on the Italy and Back series.
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